I love Bombay; while I think of it sitting in the comforts of my London
home, thinking it is about time someone made a difference out there. But while
I grow beard and hatch plans for revolution I think about the colourful comrades
I met while back in Bombay.
I felt it was important to record these colourful comrade-specimens
before these last animals of a disappearing species go extinct, driven away to greener
pastures. "Yes it is important to map the people, not the space!" a
friend of mine exclaimed with finger pointing to the sky in the manner of Lord
Krishna dispensing Bhagvat Geeta. Space didn’t matter, people made space and if
we map people space would fall in space..or place, depending on whether one is
Cartesian or Phenomenonlogisticalist! (A new field of phenomenology but only
1000 times richer discovered in a recently found papers by Jacques Derrida who
uses excerpts from Gaston Bachalard’s hand written but never published papers
that almost got lost while he on the verge of clinical claustrophobia tried
burning his work, to suggest "it does go much deeper" and we have
only scratched the surface in phenomenology and its sequel Phallogocentriology).
So here goes:
Please note, despite these comrades also being my very close friends, I
as an unbiased writer/mapper, have tried maintaining a cold, detached and
almost scientific attitude while interacting with them and writing about them
(though we only know too well there is no such thing as the unbiased eye, maybe
unbiased spleen...maybe, but one can never tell). So in the manner of David
Attenborough in Madagascar, I in Mumbai note and report:
Comrade 1: (Day to Day constructive acts comrade): Jigisha Khandelwal born
to a filthy rich industrial tycoon, was also coincidentally an optimist,
optimism not stemming from her Marwari wealth or her schooling from Eton,
Harvard and Yale, but from her deep faith that just like her fafda eating ancestors
had invented philanthropy in India, she too could make a difference.
She explained her family
employed 5 people (job creation!!), a gardner (Santosh), a maid (Sakkubai
ofcourse), a driver (Mangesh), a guard or watchmen (Tejbahadur) and a cook
(Lata tai). She said these people are like a family to us. On enquiring why
Sakku bai (who was meanwhile sweeping the floor around us) had stayed for past
40 years in exactly same spot while Jigisha and her family became more prosperous,
Jigisha gave a shriek of anger. She pointed angrily to Sakkubai and said she IS
a family to us and is here by her choice. Sakkubai by now having guessed the
discussion in English may have involved her, asked alarmingly "Jiggi beta
sagla kai tikh?" (Jiggi dear everything okay?). This is when Jiggi beta
did something shocking, she got up, hugged Sakkubai and went to have a bath
(not because she felt that was hygienic thing to do but it was time for her to
have a bath), Sakkubai after the hug continued looking at me intently for
couple of minutes in the manner of a suspicious bull mastiff and went back to
sweeping the floor (not because she had to sweep the floor but because she
liked to...supposedly).
Comrade 2: (We got the whole thing wrong Comrade): Mandar Apte had
grown into a grizzly wearing a very tight marine blue lacoste t-shirt that
seemed to work more as corset and give Mandar's breathing a whizzing quality.
He was the the first to recognise me, while I desperately tried to look away. I
had to look away as this guy had earned himself a pungent aura of sweat and
piss. We shook hands and without wasting time Mandar exclaimed in the manner of
Zac Galifinakis in a standup, "we got the whole thing wrong dude!
hahaha", his manner suggesting that he was now enlightened by the right
way to go about "the thing". I was able to continue the conversation
by holding my breath for 2 minutes, after which I would excuse myself and go a
little away from the table, take massive gasps of fresh air and come back.
Mandar fortunately for me didn’t notice that, he was too euphoric singing Jim
Connell's Red Flag and waving his 3 pitchers of beer (all held in his grizzly
paw) in the air and laughing hysterically.
We sat there for 4 hours past midnight, in a dingy bar drinking beer
and Mandar explaining how everything we had thought of was way wrong, but on
insisting on the point of right way to go about “it”, he would give vague burps
and order more beer.
Comrade 3: (Demonstration Comrade): On hearing I was in the city, Hari
Prasad had visited home, wearing a biege kurta from Fab India. Hari having done
his MA in Indian languages, spoke fluent Bodo and Dogri and had studied history
of Gondia between 3rd Nov 1265 AD to 22nd Jan 1285 AD (he
was the only historian specialized in that region for that time period). He was
actively demonstrating in various protest marches for and against various
issues affecting and not affecting India. "I love candle light vigils,
they have such a peaceful quality..., for some time as a break I think i will
be sticking to them, maybe after couple of months I may take part in a rape
protest", Hari said with a certain sense of satisfaction. On enquiring
about his health he replied, "I had joined in on the anti corruption
hunger strike, but the government just won’t budge and we had to call off the
strike because everyone was so damn hungry bhai!” Here was a man who had made
demonstration a way of life. While leaving he removed a donation box and asked
me for donations for tribals of Andaman and Nicobar islands. I gave him 500
rupees, he looked at me with disgust in his eyes and asked, "we are
demonstrating for children’s safety on the western railway tomorrow, will you
join us?" On replying no, he spat in my aquarium and left.
Comrade 4: Undercover Comrade (Poor are genetically inferior, lazy and
therefore poor comrade): Rajiv Kukreja born to a developer had grown with us
but always seemed to censor his thoughts, but no more he said as we sat at the
dinner table in his 8 storey 'bungalow'. He went on to elaborate, however rich
he was he worked very very hard to earn money while the poor laze reluctant to
even earn their livelihood! This time I had the pleasure of spitting in his
aquarium.
Comrade 5: (Comrade Comrade) (elder brother of Comrade 4, they haven’t
exchanged a single word for the past 30 years which is shocking as they are 31
now): Amol Kukreja used to live in Bandra in a plush flat, but he sold
everything off to buy a small printing press and a flat in Nala Sopara. The
newspaper he tried to publish called Nava-Horizon didn’t do very well and he
had lost all his money...maybe because he had tried printing newspapers on
inkjet printers. He offered me a soup being cooked at home, I refused, because
I had seen him put an old shoe in the pot. He had stood by his principles and presently
wanting to share a shoe soup with me.
Comrade 6: (with and against comrade): Geeta Joshi whose Napoleon
complex had only given her a strategic vantage point to develop a “with and
against” “mechanism”, in quotes highlighted by her with hooked fingers gesture.
She explained me this with and against mechanism, which certainly had done her
well. She said how she worked for multinationals interested in entering the Indian
market, but with the money she earned she would publish a book critiquing the
very same companies, hoping that the book would sell, spread the word, make her
some more money in the process and most importantly give her some conference
invites. On the whole this was a theory of “spontaneous simultaneity” (orang
utan hooked fingers gesture for in quotes again)
Comrade 7: Reluctant Rich Recluse Comrade (commonly called high on pot
comrade): Could not meet Harshad Shah, as he was reclusive, high on pot and
reluctantly well to do, as the name suggests.
Comrade 8: Small microscopic inserts Big Global change comrades (plural
because they are twin sisters one a Virologist and the other a IT programmer
both trying to invent a virus): Nanda and Manda Malwankar spoke alternating
words thereby completing a sentence, with the punch line being said in chorus.
I believe this feat in communication was possible due to their strong and
common sense of faith that the key to change is often a small strand of hair
lost in the Atlantic or the Grand Canyon or Deccan Plateau (which ever
decreases the chances of finding it the most). Virologist believed greed could
be cured because it was all genetic, she just had to make a virus, while the IT
programmer believed that infecting all transaction with a computer virus that could
deduct fair taxes and create a leveling field, both had named their future
creations Anna Hazare.
Comrade 9: Lost Battle Alcoholic Comrade (usually hangs out with
Comrade 7, who also pays for his drinks and other expenses): Rohit Vora having
failed entering into any of the top universities abroad with his thesis on “Role of Educational
Institutions in Global Capitalism” had sadly taken solace in alcoholism.
Comrade 10: (Happily Married Comrade or Also can be referred to as
Nostalgic “Those were the days” Comrade): name speaks for itself.
By now you may have realised that these colourful endemic individuals
living their day to day lives trying to adapt to the fast changes taking place
on their seven islands (it is actually 6, but 7 sounds so damn poetic that they
counted a float to be the seventh, which also had the only Maharashtrian Koli
fisherman sitting on top) as they evolve new limbs, appendages, feathers to
compete for food, nourish their young ones and finally simply to just survive.
At this point in time it is difficult to tell if they are pimping or
limping their cause!
